journey to raw health

I had been anticipating the birth of my second grandchild since finding out of my older daughters’ pregnancy last spring. And then they announced that a girl was on the way, which meant that I would have one of each.  Beautiful Avery Elizabeth showed up on the 22nd of February, and is a joy to mom & dad (and grandma, too)! Her room is all pretty in pinks & brown. As I was thinking of something to make in stained glass, I came  across a piece of paper that I had kept because it had a colored imprint of 3 pansies which I knew would make a great pattern for something. I scanned, enlarged and highlighted where I wanted to make the cuts. and voila!  a fanlamp nightlight for the baby girls’ room.

My daughter loves it. And I imagine that Avery will too, when she is old enough to know what it is. I loved making it and I believe that the joy I feel when I am creating pretty things comes through the finished piece. So,  I am now starting on a wall mirror with  overlaying glass pansies and a wispy pink glass & irridescent pink nuggets framing the border.

Oh what fun!

Tags: art, stained glass, birth, children, life experience by Deborah
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It is another Full Moon. On every full moon, I tend to give myself some space. I now know that I am sensitive to the phases of the moon, and am subject to slipping towards the darkness if I am not careful. Something is different this month, I have been focused on where I am going instead of where I have been. Since the event with Shelley Yates and the firing of the grid, it seems I have been on a steady higher vibration.

For the past several years I have been fascinated with energy healing. Maybe because I have known that I am aware of energy, and I know I feel better when I stay connected to the higher energy of Love rather than looking at the darkness.

I know the darkness is there. People seem to carry the lower vibrations more easily because there are so many folks that talk about what is wrong, what they do not have, rather than being grateful for what they have and what is right in the world. But, since the 11th of July, I have been full of hope for what the future holds. I am learning to stick up for myself, setting boundaries, letting go of those that bring me down. It is so much easier to focus on the good now, and be grateful.

I am starting a new job. I was just hired to work with the mentally challenged. Considering that I have felt that way for many years, I believe it will be a very rewarding way to spend my time. Helping others. I am ready to not have crisis in my life. If it comes up, I feel certain that I will be able to handle it. Life is good. I have been blessed to have survived my life so far.

I spent the afternoon with my grandson. We drove out to West Sunbury and picked blueberries. They are a very high vibration food. I love the taste. Lucas, the grandson, finds frozen blueberries to be a lovely snack. We had fun picking together. He kept saying, “Holy moley, macaroni!” every time he would find a cluster of big ones. Perhaps he ate more than he put in the bucket, perhaps it was the hot afternoon sun beating down on us, but, when we got back into the car, he told me he was ready to go back to Grandma’s house. He wanted to have some quiet time. Two miles down the road he was sleeping.

I sometimes envy his innocence, his awe with all he so anxiously learns. He is a thinker. A wise soul has come to live in my immediate family. I am so blessed that he is here, that he likes to come to grandma’s house. He loves whatever food I fix him. Always veggies, fruit, nuts & seeds. I enjoy the simple things now. And I love the Peace in my life.

I must be growing…

Tags: children, Love by Deborah
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When I found myself pregnant again, and single, I decided I wanted a home birth. My dear friend, Lydia, who had given me my first job in Cocoa Beach with her lawn company, was a midwife. She kindly agreed to attend my birth, and everything was progressing just fine, until she decided to move to Tallahassee several months before my due date.

I wondered how that was going to work out. Tallahassee is about 5 hours from Cocoa Beach. After talking to Lydia, she suggested I bring my other daughter and come to her house several weeks before my due date and have the baby at her house. After agreeing, I set out to sell my sprout business. I knew that I would need time to recuperate after the birth, and knew that I could not keep the sprouting schedule. I found a woman with a husband and children that was interested. They bought it, we moved the greenhouse over to her backyard and for the next month, I went to her place to help with the harvest. Then she was on her own.

I next had to focus on getting us ready to go to Lydia’s for the birth. We left the beginning of December. The baby was due on the 15th. Florida is usually rather warm all year long, but, Tallahassee was cold. Their wood frame house was drafty and by the 11th, I was fearful that I would not be able to give birth in a house that only had heat in the living room and Lydia & her husband’s bedroom. That day I told Lydia of my fears and she suggested that I take a nap in her room and decide when I woke up. When I woke up I told her, yes, I will have the baby in her bed.

Another girlfriend, Karen, wanted to come up for the birth. She suggested I take some Castor oil to get the contractions going. Even though the baby was not due for several days, I followed her suggestion. Nothing seemed to be happening except cramps similar to when I was having my period. My legs hurt down to my knees, but, no contractions. So, Lydia and I had a couple of shots of whiskey. Still no contractions. Karen finally got there from the beach. It was around 3 in the morning, Lydia decided to go to bed, so I went too. No sooner did I lay down and the contractions started one after the other. I woke Lydia to check me and see how the baby was doing. I was totally dilated. The baby was coming.

We moved me into the bedroom, it seemed everyone in the house felt the energy of a baby on the way. There were 4 other children besides my daughter, Sarah. They all woke up and were out in the living room playing. When the baby was coming, Lydia called Sarah in to the room to see her sibling born. The sun was just coming up. Several pushes later, out came Julia Rose (Julia after my dad’s mom, and Rose because she was so pink. Also, because my neighbor lady when I was little was named Rose. I loved Rose. She use to let me iron on the backporch with her while all the other kids were playing upstairs. Her children had tons of toys, but, my favorite thing was ironing. The iron would get warm, it was just my size. And Rose was so nice, I could iron all the teatowels.)

Julia didn’t make a sound. She just looked up at me. We wrapped her in a baby blanket and hung it from a large scale. She weighed just shy of 8 pounds because of the blanket. Sarah climbed into bed beside her new little sister and mom, and we all took a nap.

We stayed until Julia was 5 days old. I packed them both in the car and we headed south to Cocoa Beach. Just before we lost radio reception, we heard a song dedicated to the new baby, “Julia” by John Lennon.  Several miles later, the car broke down. There were no cell phones in 1981, and there I was, on the side of the road with a 5 1/2 yr old and a newborn. I only had enough money for gas. What was I going to do?

Out of nowhere, a gentleman in a business suit, stopped. After seeing our dilemma, he offered to take us to the next town and have a tow truck pick up the car. I felt that he was safe, accepted the ride and away we went. When we got to the gas station, the owner of the station said he would take me to his daughter’s house to wait while he got the car and fixed it. His daughter had a new baby, too, so we had a lovely visit.

Hours passed and he finally came back for us. Then he gave me a wonderful gift. The gentleman that had stopped for us on the side of the road had paid for the repairs to the car and filled the tank. He told the gas station owner that it was a Christmas gift for me and my children. I was so grateful. I truly felt that angels had helped me that day. We drove the rest of the way home with no other problems.

Tags: birth, children, life experience by Deborah
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Finding myself once again back home, I returned to work for my dad briefly. Because I had lived on my own, been married, then divorced, I could not live with them again. I rented a room in a friend’s house. It was near a bridge which was used only by trains. I used the sound of the train as an alarm to wake me up. I always slept deeply there because I was frequenting the bars often. I referred to myself as a troll. I only stayed with him for several months and then got a job as a waitress in a new restaurant outside of town. I rented a house with a girlfriend who also worked at the restaurant. It was strange to live in the same town as my parents and not live with them. Cindy and I had great fun in that house and I began dating a guy from high school.

I got pregnant and the father wanted to marry me. I said no. I somehow knew that the marriage would not last and felt that I could care for my child even if the relationship did not. He made every effort to make it work, purchasing a home for us away from the city. We seemed to have some things in common; he had allergies, so, no dairy was in the house, he only ate fish as I did too. But, his main income was from drugs. Every day he would roll up some doobies for me and off he would go, I stayed home growing my child and being creative, doing ceramics, sewing all the baby clothes since I wanted to only use cotton. But, I was lonely, I was left there alone a lot. It was too far out for friends to visit and I wanted things to be different now that I was going to have a child.

My mom took me to her obstetrician, he had delivered me. He honored my wanting to have natural childbirth, he just wanted me in the hospital. I was due sometime in September. The night before my daughter arrived, I started to bleed. The father brought me into town early and we stayed at my folks until my mom said I needed to go to the hospital to be observed. It was a long labor. Hal was not much help, sleeping while I struggled to keep it together. The nurses thought I would deliver before the morning shift change, but, it came and went. I asked for something to help me relax and the nurse got me calmed down and focused on the task at hand. Early afternoon of September 9, 1976, my beautiful Sarah was born. I loved her the moment I saw her.

We went back to our home in that small town and she & I bonded. It seemed Hal was gone even more than before and I wanted to be around people. I was not allowed to have even my cat in the house because Hal thought Slick might hurt Sarah. By the time she was 6 months old, I was living in a tiny apartment above my parents store. We hardly saw Hal. I focused on loving and raising my daughter.

Because I was now a vegetarian, my family teased me. They knew that it would upset me, they would tease me more. In jest, when I let them babysit, they put Sarah in her highchair and took a photo of a steak and a can of beer on the tray., telling me this is what they gave her to eat. I never took teasing well. I wanted to run away from them and my hometown where I was different because I no longer wanted to eat meat & potatoes. Fortunately, Sarah was allergic to eggs and dairy, so they tolerated our many meals of rice and steamed veggies. Our favorite walk was to the City Market two blocks up the street where we would pick out fresh fruit and vegetables for the day.

I continued to pursue crafty things, learning macrame and basket weaving. I had lots of plants in the apartment because we had no yard for my little peanut to play. I painted her tiny room with a blue sky and grass, flowers and a beehive with bees buzzing all around. I was starting to read about a healthy lifestyle and thought about becoming a massage therapist. I subscribed to Mother Earth News magazine. Everything in it interested me, especially the Situations and Positions in the back. I wanted to escape.

I started running in the early morning before Sarah would wake up & my mom and I got one of the first rebounders on the market. I went to my 10 year high school reunion.

 The darkness would visit me. I felt stuck in a time warp. The only thing I seemed to have in common with the people I knew that were my age was alcohol and drugs. They came back with a vengence. I had absolutely NO idea that I had a choice on whether or not to do them. So, I did.

Tags: children, addiction, Love, life experience by Deborah
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